The Month Everything Changed

Hey Besties,

Oh, would you look at that… It’s June (barely) and I am once again complaining about the UK having a heatwave.

If this isn’t a sign that 1. We need to deal with climate change and 2. The UK needs better infrastructure for this weather. I don’t know what it is.

But you didn’t come here to hear me debate the weather…unless you did, in which case: Hi. Hello. Hasn’t it been awful?

Those of you here for the writing and life updates, please read on…

SO. I ended last month celebrating completing Tea Leaves, Pages and Starlight and contemplating my next project, which was going to feature a dragon prince.

And then everything changed.

First of all, after completing Tea Leaves, Pages and Starlight, my brain went “absolutely no more writing, bestie, please.”

Which, honestly, given I wrote about ~15k in three weeks, isn’t really a surprise.

I had a bunch of personal stuff going on… but more on that later.

Anyway, after putting Tea Leaves, Pages and Starlight down to rest, I dived straight into the dragon prince story, wrote about 8k and then absolutely noped the hell out.

I tried writing a lighter, sexier story, but didn’t get far on that either.

I told myself it was okay. I needed a break…

And so, I took a break.

In the meantime, life outside writing demanded a bit more of my attention than usual.

1. I have had more coil fitting nonsense, finally ending with my deciding that right now, my PMDD is mild and that seeking treatment is actually causing more stress than the condition itself. I am going to hold off on booking any new appointments for a few months, see how my hormones are behaving and then reassess my needs once I don’t feel like I’m in a constant loop of appointments, calls, etc.
2. My mom had to have bowel cancer removal surgery. Thank God they got it all, and she is recovering quickly. So well, in fact, she was only in hospital for about 48-hours, and her progress is coming along so nicely, she and my step-dad have booked a cruise for later this year when she turns 70.

Due to these factors, I was feeling pretty burned out, so I also decided not to attend the Birmingham Writers’ Conference in mid-June (the same weekend as my mom’s operation). And honestly, no regrets there. There will be other conferences. But I didn’t have to deal with travel, masking, and a long day, while also carrying the other baggage with me.

In between writing-related decisions, health updates and the UK turning into the surface of the sun, I have also made time for things I love:

I’ve been binge-watching Game of Thrones, and then Euphoria with Hubby, Oldest and Oldest’s partner.

I’ve also been adding to my Pokémon plush collection by getting the Sylveon build-a-bear, and putting up new shelves to display all my plushes. Plus, Miniso opened a new store near me, so of course, that meant Juromi hair accessories and blind-bloxes! lol

Honestly, it’s been nice spending time with my family, not worrying about responsibilities, treating myself a little, and getting ice cream from the new Ben & Jerry’s stall that opened up.

Once my mental bandwidth was a bit freer, things started clicking into place.

One of the biggest things I realised is that I love reading the idea of darker fantasy. I love brainstorming it. But actually writing it? That's a completely different story. They lean darker and a bit more complex than I am comfortable with. And when I am writing them, I am constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if I am doing it right, etc.

By contrast, cosy stories, like Tea Leaves, Pages and Starlight *click* for me. I find them both enjoyable and easy to write.

I also find myself reading those cosier types of books when I am in a reading mood.

That discovery led me to another important realisation…

I have gone through phases as a writer, from being a new, self-published author focusing on contemporary romance, to working as a ghostwriter, and then moving onto fantasy and paranormal romance. While at the same time being diagnosed with ADHD & PMDD, and learning how those affect me as a writer.

I finally feel like I understand how my health conditions affect me, and I also feel I am in a strong position as a writer, having been doing it for ~20 years. So, instead of pushing myself to the next level too soon, I am instead staying in my comfort zone and focusing on areas I am really good at.

Cosy, low-stakes stories about belonging and outsiders finding their place in the world.

Stories like Tea Leaves, Pages and Starlight, and my new project The Arcanium, about an ordinary young woman from a small English village who receives three university acceptance letters. Two are expected. The third is from a mysterious institution that teaches the arcane arts.

After writing about 8k’s worth of brainstorming, I dived into the story and wrote 11k, before the heatwave hit the same week as my period, and I couldn’t do anything. But even when not writing, I couldn’t stop thinking about the story and imagining scenes. I am desperate to get back to it from Monday, when the weather is more manageable.

While thinking about the type of stories I want to tell, I also considered where I want these stories to be published.

Previously, I have spoken about wanting to be a hybrid author, with novels I query and novels I self-publish, some with a serial version first.

But, as I approach the end of Kiss Me After The Kill (as of writing this, there are 11 chapters left to publish) I realise I don't want to serialise and self-publish stories anymore.

I am happiest when writing—not uploading documents to Inkitt, not marketing, not posting on Facebook and Reddit groups about new chapters.

Just writing. So, for now, I am taking a step away from self-publishing, with the exception of Kiss Me After The Kill’s Amazon release in October.

I still intend to try querying and seeking an agent, because I want to reach a wider audience with my stories, but I am prepared for the waiting around to hear back, and the concept I might have to accept a certain story isn’t currently the right fit, and move on to the next.

If querying stops bringing me joy in the same way self-publishing did, then I will reassess my goals.

As the month draws to a close, I feel more like myself and more focused than ever. As I said above, I am excited to get back to working on The Arcanium and seeing what the future holds.

That’s all I’ve got for you this month, so I’m going to leave this entry here.

Thanks for reading.

Take care and stay creative.

T.T.F.N.